trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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