One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
