I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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