there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
