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• (216): View more from Ohio

  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

  (440): View more from Ohio

  isn't bella the cat???

  (216): View more from Ohio

  that she is

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• (310): View more from California

  Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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• (253): View more from Washington

  So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.

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• (415): View more from California

  Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.

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• (831): View more from California

  Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?

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