I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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