Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
