So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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