I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
