Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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