I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
