he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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