in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
