What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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