I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
