you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
