you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
