You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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