So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize