Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
