Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
