Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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