Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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