Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
