the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
