if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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