Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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