I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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