i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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