Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
