i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
