I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
