If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And then my night got REAL pukey
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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