did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
