she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Alive.
So much puke
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
