it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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