The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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