Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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