I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
