Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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