how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
