ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
