So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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