Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
