walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
