apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize