well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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