I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
