look no pants
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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