went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize