i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
