when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He felt like a one man threesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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