listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
