Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize