When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
