just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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