he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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