Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
