Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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