I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
