Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
