well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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