Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
last night I used snow as a chaser
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
