Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
