I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
