saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's never too late to be topless.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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