dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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