He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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