I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there's paper in my vomit.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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