If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
