Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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