did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
