I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
