So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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