i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
