Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i believe in u and ur pee
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