He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
