your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
