i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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