don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
