its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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